What to Do When Someone Dies
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What to Do When Someone Dies: A Checklist for Oklahoma Families
Aug. 30, 2026
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A quiet, plain-language checklist for the first hours, first week, and first month after a loved one dies. Written for families in Oklahoma.
If you're reading this in the first hours after a loss, we're sorry.
This is a quiet, practical checklist. It walks through what needs to happen in the first hour, the first day, the first week, and the first month after a loved one dies in Oklahoma. It does not need to be done in one sitting. Most of it does not need to be done by you alone.
You did not do anything wrong by searching for this. People search for it because the moment after a death is full of things nobody warned them about. Hospitals hand you paperwork. Family members ask questions. Decisions you've never made before need to be made.
In the first hourThe first thing that happens depends on where your loved one died.
If they died at a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility, the staff there handles the immediate steps. They will notify the attending physician, who will declare the death and prepare a certificate of death. The facility will keep your loved one in their care until you arrange transportation through a funeral home. You do not need to do anything in the next hour except be present with family and breathe.
If they died at home under hospice care, call the hospice number on the paperwork they gave you. The hospice nurse will come, declare the death, and walk you through the next steps. You do not need to call 911 if death was expected and your loved one was on hospice. The hospice nurse will help you decide when to call the funeral home.
If they died at home unexpectedly, call 911. First responders will come. If the death is unattended (no doctor present, not expected), the medical examiner may need to be involved before your loved one can be released into a funeral home's care. This is normal and not something you caused. The first responders will guide you.
If they died somewhere else (workplace, in public, in an accident), emergency services and the medical examiner will be involved. You will be contacted by the hospital or by law enforcement and given next steps.
In all of these cases, you have time. You do not need to make funeral arrangements in the first hour. You do not need to call relatives in the first hour if you are not ready. The hospital, hospice, or first responders will tell you what they need from you immediately, and the rest can wait.
Before the day ends
Once the immediate situation is handled, here is what typically happens before the day ends.
Choose a funeral home. This is the first decision that requires your input. If your loved one had a pre-plan or stated a preference, follow that. If not, you can call any funeral home and they will help you. The funeral home arranges transportation of your loved one from where they died into their care. There is no charge to ask questions. There is no obligation to make further decisions on the first call.
In Bixby and South Tulsa, families often call us directly. Other families call a funeral home recommended by their church or by another family member. Either is fine.
Notify the closest family members. This is the hardest part of day one. There is no right way to do it. Start with the people who need to know immediately and who will help notify others. You do not need to call everyone yourself. Ask one trusted person to start a notification list.
Locate important documents if you can. You will need them in the coming days. Look for: - Government-issued ID or driver's license - Social Security number - Birth certificate - Marriage certificate (if applicable) - Will or trust documents - Life insurance policies - Veterans discharge papers (DD-214) if applicable - Bank account information - Recent tax return
You do not need all of these to start the funeral home process. Bring what you find. The funeral home can help you locate the rest later.
Rest if you can. The next few days will be busy. Sleep, eat, and let someone else handle small decisions while you absorb what happened.
Within the first week
These are the things that typically need to happen in the first three to seven days.
Meet with the funeral home to make arrangements. This conversation covers: - Whether your loved one will be buried or cremated - Whether there will be a visitation, a service, or a smaller gathering - The date and location of any service - Obituary writing and where it will be published - Casket or urn selection (only if needed for the type of service chosen) - Music, readings, and any specific wishes - Veterans honors if your loved one served
You can bring family members. Most funeral home conversations take 60 to 90 minutes. You will leave with a written General Price List itemizing everything you've selected. By federal law (the FTC Funeral Rule), every funeral home in the country must provide this on request.
Order copies of the death certificate. You will need certified copies (typically 8 to 12) for closing accounts, filing insurance claims, transferring titles, and dealing with the Social Security Administration. The funeral home orders these on your behalf when you complete arrangements. Plan on $15 to $25 per certified copy in Oklahoma.
Notify Social Security. Most funeral homes will report the death to the Social Security Administration as part of arrangements. If you are entitled to a survivor benefit, contact the SSA directly at (800) 772-1213 to start the process. Do not assume the funeral home's notification covers your benefits claim.
Notify the employer. If your loved one was working, their employer needs to know to stop direct deposits, process any final paycheck, and provide information about life insurance or retirement benefits that may be in place through their job.
Cancel or freeze accounts that can wait. Credit cards, gym memberships, streaming services, magazine subscriptions, and similar can be paused or canceled. Don't rush to close major accounts (bank, retirement, investment) without first consulting an estate attorney or accountant. Closing the wrong account too early can complicate the estate.
Hold the service or gathering. This happens on the timeline you choose, often within seven to ten days of the death. There is no rule that says it must happen quickly. Some families hold a service within days; others choose to hold a memorial weeks later when family can travel.
Within the first monthThe pace slows down after the first week. Here is what typically needs attention in the first 30 days.
Begin the estate process. If your loved one had a will, the named executor begins probate by filing the will with the appropriate Oklahoma district court. If there was no will, the estate enters intestate succession, which Oklahoma law governs. An estate attorney can guide you through this. The first 30 days is the right time to consult with one if you haven't already.
File life insurance claims. Call each insurance company directly. They will tell you what documents they need (usually a certified death certificate plus a claim form). Most claims pay out within 30 to 60 days of complete documentation.
Notify financial institutions. Banks, credit unions, brokerages, and retirement account custodians need to know. Each has their own process. Bring a certified death certificate to each one. They will guide you through retitling or transferring accounts based on how they were held (joint, beneficiary-designated, or solely in the deceased's name).
Notify the IRS. The estate may need to file a final personal tax return for your loved one and, in some cases, a separate estate tax return. An accountant or estate attorney can help. There is no rush; these returns are typically due on standard tax timelines.
Update beneficiaries on your own accounts. If your loved one was named as a beneficiary on your life insurance, retirement accounts, or other policies, update those designations.
Cancel ID and licenses. Surrender or destroy your loved one's driver's license (Oklahoma Department of Public Safety), passport (US Department of State), and voter registration. The funeral home or estate attorney can advise on the right way to handle each.
Handle the home and belongings. Mortgage, rent, utilities, mail forwarding, and security need attention. Decisions about belongings can wait. There is no deadline that requires you to clear out a loved one's home in the first month. Take the time you need.
Take care of yourself. Grief is not a project to complete in 30 days. Most families benefit from giving themselves permission to do less in the first month than they normally would. If you have access to grief support (through your church, a counselor, or a hospice bereavement program), use it.
Notifying othersBelow is a starter list of who typically needs to be notified after a death. Use what applies; ignore what doesn't.
Government and benefits - Social Security Administration: (800) 772-1213 - Department of Veterans Affairs (if applicable): (800) 827-1000 - Oklahoma Department of Public Safety (driver's license) - US Department of State (passport) - Oklahoma Secretary of State (voter registration) - Internal Revenue Service - State of Oklahoma Tax Commission
Financial - Bank(s), credit union(s) - Brokerage and retirement account custodians - Life insurance companies - Health insurance company (terminate coverage and check for any final claims) - Mortgage holder - Credit card companies - Loan holders (auto, student, personal)
Medical and professional - Primary care doctor - Specialists - Pharmacy (to stop refills) - Attorney - Accountant - Financial advisor
Personal - Employer - Religious institution - Clubs, gyms, professional associations - Subscription services - Utility companies (if the home is being sold or vacated) - USPS (mail forwarding) - Friends and extended family
This list is not exhaustive. It is a starting point. The funeral home can help you think through what applies to your specific situation.
What we help with at Bixby-South Tulsa Funeral Service
We've helped Bixby and South Tulsa families through this since 1983. The conversation at our table covers everything in the "first week" section above: making arrangements, choosing burial or cremation, planning a service, writing an obituary, ordering certified copies of the death certificate, notifying Social Security, and walking you through what comes next.
We don't push families toward services they don't want. If your loved one wanted simple cremation, we help with simple cremation. If your family needs a full traditional service to begin healing, we help with that. The decision is always yours.
There is no charge to talk with us. Call when you're ready.
A note on grief
The checklist above is the practical side. The other side is the part nobody puts on a list: the strange weeks after the gatherings end and everyone goes back to their lives. Grief comes and goes in waves you can't predict. It can show up months later, triggered by a song or a smell or a date on the calendar.
That is normal. It is not weakness. It does not mean you are failing to "move on." It means you loved someone.
If you are struggling more than you expect, consider: - A grief support group through a local church or hospice - A counselor or therapist who specializes in bereavement - Calling a trusted friend who has been through it - Calling your doctor if your sleep, appetite, or daily functioning is affected for more than a few weeks
Asking for help is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a sign that you are taking the loss seriously.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
ance, retirement accounts, or other policies, update those designations.
This is a quiet, practical checklist. It walks through what needs to happen in the first hour, the first day, the first week, and the first month after a loved one dies in Oklahoma. It does not need to be done in one sitting. Most of it does not need to be done by you alone.
You did not do anything wrong by searching for this. People search for it because the moment after a death is full of things nobody warned them about. Hospitals hand you paperwork. Family members ask questions. Decisions you've never made before need to be made.
In the first hourThe first thing that happens depends on where your loved one died.
If they died at a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility, the staff there handles the immediate steps. They will notify the attending physician, who will declare the death and prepare a certificate of death. The facility will keep your loved one in their care until you arrange transportation through a funeral home. You do not need to do anything in the next hour except be present with family and breathe.
If they died at home under hospice care, call the hospice number on the paperwork they gave you. The hospice nurse will come, declare the death, and walk you through the next steps. You do not need to call 911 if death was expected and your loved one was on hospice. The hospice nurse will help you decide when to call the funeral home.
If they died at home unexpectedly, call 911. First responders will come. If the death is unattended (no doctor present, not expected), the medical examiner may need to be involved before your loved one can be released into a funeral home's care. This is normal and not something you caused. The first responders will guide you.
If they died somewhere else (workplace, in public, in an accident), emergency services and the medical examiner will be involved. You will be contacted by the hospital or by law enforcement and given next steps.
In all of these cases, you have time. You do not need to make funeral arrangements in the first hour. You do not need to call relatives in the first hour if you are not ready. The hospital, hospice, or first responders will tell you what they need from you immediately, and the rest can wait.
Before the day ends
Once the immediate situation is handled, here is what typically happens before the day ends.
Choose a funeral home. This is the first decision that requires your input. If your loved one had a pre-plan or stated a preference, follow that. If not, you can call any funeral home and they will help you. The funeral home arranges transportation of your loved one from where they died into their care. There is no charge to ask questions. There is no obligation to make further decisions on the first call.
In Bixby and South Tulsa, families often call us directly. Other families call a funeral home recommended by their church or by another family member. Either is fine.
Notify the closest family members. This is the hardest part of day one. There is no right way to do it. Start with the people who need to know immediately and who will help notify others. You do not need to call everyone yourself. Ask one trusted person to start a notification list.
Locate important documents if you can. You will need them in the coming days. Look for: - Government-issued ID or driver's license - Social Security number - Birth certificate - Marriage certificate (if applicable) - Will or trust documents - Life insurance policies - Veterans discharge papers (DD-214) if applicable - Bank account information - Recent tax return
You do not need all of these to start the funeral home process. Bring what you find. The funeral home can help you locate the rest later.
Rest if you can. The next few days will be busy. Sleep, eat, and let someone else handle small decisions while you absorb what happened.
Within the first week
These are the things that typically need to happen in the first three to seven days.
Meet with the funeral home to make arrangements. This conversation covers: - Whether your loved one will be buried or cremated - Whether there will be a visitation, a service, or a smaller gathering - The date and location of any service - Obituary writing and where it will be published - Casket or urn selection (only if needed for the type of service chosen) - Music, readings, and any specific wishes - Veterans honors if your loved one served
You can bring family members. Most funeral home conversations take 60 to 90 minutes. You will leave with a written General Price List itemizing everything you've selected. By federal law (the FTC Funeral Rule), every funeral home in the country must provide this on request.
Order copies of the death certificate. You will need certified copies (typically 8 to 12) for closing accounts, filing insurance claims, transferring titles, and dealing with the Social Security Administration. The funeral home orders these on your behalf when you complete arrangements. Plan on $15 to $25 per certified copy in Oklahoma.
Notify Social Security. Most funeral homes will report the death to the Social Security Administration as part of arrangements. If you are entitled to a survivor benefit, contact the SSA directly at (800) 772-1213 to start the process. Do not assume the funeral home's notification covers your benefits claim.
Notify the employer. If your loved one was working, their employer needs to know to stop direct deposits, process any final paycheck, and provide information about life insurance or retirement benefits that may be in place through their job.
Cancel or freeze accounts that can wait. Credit cards, gym memberships, streaming services, magazine subscriptions, and similar can be paused or canceled. Don't rush to close major accounts (bank, retirement, investment) without first consulting an estate attorney or accountant. Closing the wrong account too early can complicate the estate.
Hold the service or gathering. This happens on the timeline you choose, often within seven to ten days of the death. There is no rule that says it must happen quickly. Some families hold a service within days; others choose to hold a memorial weeks later when family can travel.
Within the first monthThe pace slows down after the first week. Here is what typically needs attention in the first 30 days.
Begin the estate process. If your loved one had a will, the named executor begins probate by filing the will with the appropriate Oklahoma district court. If there was no will, the estate enters intestate succession, which Oklahoma law governs. An estate attorney can guide you through this. The first 30 days is the right time to consult with one if you haven't already.
File life insurance claims. Call each insurance company directly. They will tell you what documents they need (usually a certified death certificate plus a claim form). Most claims pay out within 30 to 60 days of complete documentation.
Notify financial institutions. Banks, credit unions, brokerages, and retirement account custodians need to know. Each has their own process. Bring a certified death certificate to each one. They will guide you through retitling or transferring accounts based on how they were held (joint, beneficiary-designated, or solely in the deceased's name).
Notify the IRS. The estate may need to file a final personal tax return for your loved one and, in some cases, a separate estate tax return. An accountant or estate attorney can help. There is no rush; these returns are typically due on standard tax timelines.
Update beneficiaries on your own accounts. If your loved one was named as a beneficiary on your life insurance, retirement accounts, or other policies, update those designations.
Cancel ID and licenses. Surrender or destroy your loved one's driver's license (Oklahoma Department of Public Safety), passport (US Department of State), and voter registration. The funeral home or estate attorney can advise on the right way to handle each.
Handle the home and belongings. Mortgage, rent, utilities, mail forwarding, and security need attention. Decisions about belongings can wait. There is no deadline that requires you to clear out a loved one's home in the first month. Take the time you need.
Take care of yourself. Grief is not a project to complete in 30 days. Most families benefit from giving themselves permission to do less in the first month than they normally would. If you have access to grief support (through your church, a counselor, or a hospice bereavement program), use it.
Notifying othersBelow is a starter list of who typically needs to be notified after a death. Use what applies; ignore what doesn't.
Government and benefits - Social Security Administration: (800) 772-1213 - Department of Veterans Affairs (if applicable): (800) 827-1000 - Oklahoma Department of Public Safety (driver's license) - US Department of State (passport) - Oklahoma Secretary of State (voter registration) - Internal Revenue Service - State of Oklahoma Tax Commission
Financial - Bank(s), credit union(s) - Brokerage and retirement account custodians - Life insurance companies - Health insurance company (terminate coverage and check for any final claims) - Mortgage holder - Credit card companies - Loan holders (auto, student, personal)
Medical and professional - Primary care doctor - Specialists - Pharmacy (to stop refills) - Attorney - Accountant - Financial advisor
Personal - Employer - Religious institution - Clubs, gyms, professional associations - Subscription services - Utility companies (if the home is being sold or vacated) - USPS (mail forwarding) - Friends and extended family
This list is not exhaustive. It is a starting point. The funeral home can help you think through what applies to your specific situation.
What we help with at Bixby-South Tulsa Funeral Service
We've helped Bixby and South Tulsa families through this since 1983. The conversation at our table covers everything in the "first week" section above: making arrangements, choosing burial or cremation, planning a service, writing an obituary, ordering certified copies of the death certificate, notifying Social Security, and walking you through what comes next.
We don't push families toward services they don't want. If your loved one wanted simple cremation, we help with simple cremation. If your family needs a full traditional service to begin healing, we help with that. The decision is always yours.
There is no charge to talk with us. Call when you're ready.
- Phone: (918) 369-9990
- Address: 11108 S Memorial Dr, Bixby, OK 74008
A note on grief
The checklist above is the practical side. The other side is the part nobody puts on a list: the strange weeks after the gatherings end and everyone goes back to their lives. Grief comes and goes in waves you can't predict. It can show up months later, triggered by a song or a smell or a date on the calendar.
That is normal. It is not weakness. It does not mean you are failing to "move on." It means you loved someone.
If you are struggling more than you expect, consider: - A grief support group through a local church or hospice - A counselor or therapist who specializes in bereavement - Calling a trusted friend who has been through it - Calling your doctor if your sleep, appetite, or daily functioning is affected for more than a few weeks
Asking for help is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a sign that you are taking the loss seriously.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
- What is the very first thing to do when someone dies? The first thing to do depends on where the death occurred. If your loved one died in a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility, the staff there will handle the immediate steps. If they died at home on hospice, call the hospice number provided. If the death was unexpected at home, call 911. In all cases, you do not need to make funeral arrangements in the first hour.
- Do I need to call 911 if my loved one was on hospice? No. If your loved one was on hospice care and death was expected, call the hospice phone number on the paperwork provided. The hospice nurse will come, declare the death, and walk you through what happens next.
- How long do I have to choose a funeral home? There is no strict deadline. Most families choose a funeral home within the first 24 hours, but if your loved one is in a hospital or care facility, they can remain there until you've made a decision. Take the time you need.
- How many certified copies of the death certificate do I need in Oklahoma? Most families need 8 to 12 certified copies for closing accounts, filing insurance claims, transferring titles, and dealing with government agencies. Certified copies cost approximately $15 to $25 each in Oklahoma. Your funeral home orders these on your behalf as part of arrangements.
- Does the funeral home notify Social Security for me? Most funeral homes report the death to the Social Security Administration as part of standard arrangements. However, if you are eligible for a survivor benefit, you must contact Social Security directly at (800) 772-1213 to start that claim. The funeral home's report does not begin your benefits process.
- Do I have to have a funeral? No. There is no legal requirement to hold a funeral or memorial service. Some families hold full traditional services; others choose direct cremation with no service; others hold a private memorial weeks or months later. The decision is yours.
- What if my loved one was a veteran? Veterans qualify for additional benefits including a free burial flag, a memorial headstone, and the option of burial in a national cemetery. The funeral home will help you navigate VA benefits if you provide your loved one's discharge papers (DD-214). Contact the Department of Veterans Affairs at (800) 827-1000 for further assistance.
- How quickly does life insurance pay out after death? Most life insurance claims pay out within 30 to 60 days once the insurance company has received complete documentation, including a certified death certificate and a completed claim form. Contact each insurance company directly to begin the process.
- Do I have to go through probate in Oklahoma? Probate is required for estates that include assets held solely in the deceased's name above certain thresholds. Joint accounts, beneficiary-designated accounts, and accounts in living trusts typically pass outside probate. An Oklahoma estate attorney can advise based on your specific situation.
- How long should I wait to clear out my loved one's home? There is no required timeline. Many families wait weeks or months before sorting through belongings. Take the time you need. Practical pressures (mortgage, rent, utilities) may set their own timeline, but the emotional work of going through possessions has no deadline.
- Where can I find grief support in the Tulsa area? Grief support is available through many local churches, hospice bereavement programs (which often serve the public, not just families they cared for), and licensed counselors specializing in bereavement. Bixby-South Tulsa Funeral Service can provide referrals if you ask.
- Does Bixby-South Tulsa Funeral Service serve families outside Bixby? Yes. We serve families across the Bixby, South Tulsa, Jenks, Glenpool, and surrounding communities. Families travel from across the Tulsa metro area to use our funeral home and on-site crematory.
ance, retirement accounts, or other policies, update those designations.